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The Wit of Tyrion Lannister: Peter Dinklage’s Best Lines from Games of Thrones

As his interview on last night’s episode of The Daily Show indicated, Peter Dinklage is a rock star in a diminutive actor’s body.  His public persona is of an individual constantly too cool for whatever it is he is doing at that moment thus explaining his consistent wry amusement and vague detachment (e.g., having to ask Stewart at one point, “What was the question again?”).  He brings his considerable charisma and gift for witty line readings to his role as Tyrion Lannister on HBO’s Game of Thrones, which returns for its 3rd season this Sunday (3/31).

game of thrones savage tv series tyrion lannister peter dinklage
Yeah, he’s a dwarf, but he’s a total badass.

In the show’s pilot, our first introduction to Tyrion comes as he is in the embrace of a mostly naked whore.  In conversation with her, we learn such encounters are the norm for him and given the impression that he is the black sheep of his family.  It is an entrance fit for a rock star.  Since that time, he has emerged as one of the show’s most respectable characters.  He is devoted to his family, even if he does not particularly like his sister, father, or nephew, and is fiercely sympathetic to outcasts.  However, he is a Lannister meaning his family affiliation often places him on the opposite side of good, and he shares the signature Lannister trait of arrogance and skill for manipulation.

Due to his status as a dwarf in a land where a man’s physical prowess is proved in battle, he has developed an intense intelligence and wit to allow him to talk around certain things and out-think those who might oppose him.  In practice, he “uses humor as a defense mechanism, but he also wields it as a weapon, utilizing his quick wit to turn the tables against those who fail to take him seriously or treat him with any semblance of consideration or respect” (tor.com).  Translation: Tyrion usually gets the best lines on this show. Here are some of my favorites:

Season 1, Episode 2: “The Kingsroad”

Jaime: Tell me you’re not thinking of taking The Black.
Tyrion: And go celibate? The whores would go begging from Casterly Rock. I just want to stand on the edge and piss off the end of the world.

Tyrion:  Death is so final. Whereas life, ah life is so full of possibilities. I hope the boy does wake, I’d be very interested to hear what he has to say.
Jaime: My dear brother, there are times you make me wonder whose side you’re on.
Tyrion: My dear brother, you wound me. You know how much I love my family.

Tyrion: Everything’s better with some wine in the belly.

Season 1, Episode 3: “Lord Snow”

Tyrion: And how do a bear’s balls taste?
Yoren: A bit chewy. What about you, milord. What’s the strangest thing you’ve eaten?
Tyrion: Do Dornish girls count?

Tyrion: If you’re going to be a cripple, it’s better to be a rich cripple.

Season 1, Episode 4: “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things”

Bran: I’m not a cripple.
Tyrion: Then I’m not a dwarf. My father will be rejoiced to hear it.

Season 1, Episode 6: “A Golden Crown”

Tyrion: I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I’m not particularly good at violence, but I’m good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle’s boots with goat sh*t. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel….

Season 1, Episode 8: “The Pointy End”

Shaggar: How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?
Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my c**k.

Some of his best moments from Season 1 (Warning: Some Foul Language):

Season 2, Episode 1: “The North Remembers”

Tyrion: You [referring to his sister Cersei] love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality; that and your cheekbones.

Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”

Tyrion: Tell me, when your men slaughtered Ned Stark’s men at the throne room, did you give the orders?
Janos Slynt: I did, and I would again. The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty.
Tyrion: [teasing] The fool. He had no idea you were already bought.
Janos Slynt: [angrily] Are you drunk? I won’t have my honor questioned by an imp!
Tyrion: I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I’m denying its existence.

Season 2, Episode 6: “The Old Gods and the New”

Tyrion: [to Joffrey] We’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot boy king!

Season 2, Episode 8: “The Prince of Winterfell”

Tyrion Lannister: The Lord of Light wants his enemies burnt. The Drowned God wants his enemies drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious c-nts? Where is the god of t-ts and wine?

Season 2, Episode 9: “Blackwater”

Tyrion: Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!

Tyrion: I much like my head. I don’t want to see it removed just yet.

Bronn: Do you know how to use that [referring to an axe Tyrion has picked up]?
Tyrion: I chopped wood once. No, actually, I watched my brother chop wood.

Joffrey Baratheon: If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he’ll do it without a second thought.
Tyrion: That would make me the quarter-man. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Some of his best moments from Season 2 (Warning: Some Foul Language and Violence):

Source for Quotes: TVFanatic.com

Check out the trailer for season 3 and rejoice when you remember that this all goes down this upcoming Sunday:

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