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This Is Me Reacting to Jeff Goldblum Being In Jurassic World 2

According to Buzzfeed (and various others sources), Jeff Goldblum will appear in Jurassic World 2.

But, wait, didn’t his last return to the Jurassic Park franchise yield seriously diminished returns?

And, hold on, we are literally less than a year removed from this:

That’s a still from Independence Day: Resurgence, in case you couldn’t tell. I mean, you probably could, but I can’t assume anything, not with how hard that movie bombed last summer.

So, we have an actor returning to a franchise which already didn’t know what to do with him in one sequel, and it’s been less than a year since his failed attempt to revisit  one of his other greatest hits from the 90s. I should be swooning, why?

Fine. The Thor: Ragnarok costume designer barfed Guardians of the Galaxy clothes on him, and he pulls it off as if he’d happily walk into one of his jazz clubs (bt-dubs, Goldblum is a still-practicing jazz pianist) looking like that. So, the internet is happy with Goldblum right now.

Even so, he couldn’t turn his second time playing David Levinson (that’s right, I just looked up his Independence Day‘s character’s name) into gold. Why will a third time around with Dr. Ian Malcolm be any different? Different filmmakers and writers and all that, but still the same foolhardy attempt to recapture a past glory and rake in on the nostalgia.

Says the guy who loved Sylvester Stallone in Creed.

Oh, touche. Still, Jurassic World 2 doesn’t need this since the first one made a gajillion bajillion dollars despite featuring almost entirely new characters (and B.D. Wong’s returning, now-evil scientist character).

Yeah, but have you seen how many people saw but did not really like Jurassic World? A little Ian Malcolm could go a long way toward remedying that. Plus, he’s already kinda, sorta in Jurassic World via the repeated easter egg inclusion of his character’s book God Creates Dinosaurs:

And if Ian Malcolm exists in the Jurassic World universe (which he obviously does) it’s only logical that he have some role, even if just a talking head cameo, in a sequel. The chaos theory thing he was probably warning the Jurassic World people about for years finally happened, and he can come along for a well-earned toldyaso as well as a Biff Tannen-esque “There’s something awfully familiar about this” since Jurassic World 2 could simply be a movie-length version of the last quarter of Lost World.

Who’s actually making Jurassic World 2? I forgot.

Thanks for asking, childlike other me. Now I can close out with the standard speel about how Jurassic World 2 is being directed by J.A. Bayona (The Impossible, A Monster Calls) from a screenplay by the same duo behind the first Jurassic World (Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connoly and, one assumes, a shitton of uncredited rewriters). Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are returning to reprise their tepid romance. No word yet if Blue the Velociraptor will return. Maybe he’s settled down into an odd couple marriage with the T-Rex. We don’t know. Maybe he’s dead, unable to cope without the guidance of alpha male Chris Pratt. We’ll just have to wait to find out when Jurassic World 2 hits the US on Jun 22, 2018.

Now, take us home, Grant-resting-on-Malcolm’s-chest meme:

Source: Buzzfeed


  1. Honestly, I unabashedly love The Lost World. And I’m looking forward to Jurassic World 2 a lot more. Goldblum’s usually the best part of any movie he’s in, good or bad, and there’s no reason to think JW2 will be terrible, considering how alright the last one was.

    1. My hangup with JW2 is simply the “what next?” of it all. If they follow what they set up in the first one the next step is not to repeat Lost World but instead to move almost more into Alien/Aliens territory where some evil corporation will be looking to somehow weaponize the dinosaurs. That…um, that sounds really, really iffy on the plausibility scale (though to throw around “plausibility” in relation to a franchise about genetically recreated dinosaurs is obviously a bit of a stretch). However, JW1 is a perfectly fun B-Movie. I was way too excited watching the insanely stupid western standoff between the dinosaurs at the end. If they stick to that spirit JW2 will probably be okay. It is being directed by JA Bayona, after all. He’ll probably at least do more interesting things with the camera than Colin Trevorrow.

      1. The dinosaurs as a military weapon, while completely absurd, is the perfect way to transition this franchise into Planet of the Apes, but dinosaurs. And since we care more about the dinosaurs in Jurassic World than the humans, it would totally (sort of) work.
        All I want is more of that aforementioned dumb dinosaur fighting from the end of JW.

  2. Come on. Goldblum wasn’t the problem with The Lost World. And if you consider Lost World a dud have a look at Jurrasic Park 3 with returning Sam Neil and compare who was misused and lacking in which sequel. Likewise I watched the pitiful ID Resurgence and again Goldblum wasn’t the problem with that film. The problem with that film is the sequel took too long to follow ID when other blockbusters and technology along with the fanbase of the first film had since been surpassed. I will take that bet that Jeff is a good addition to Jurassic World.

    1. The point is simply this: Jurassic Park is great. The sequels less so. Jeff Goldblum returning didn’t help elevate Lost World into anything special, and it really, really didn’t work for Sam Neil and Jurasssic Park 3. Fair enough that Goldblum isn’t really the problem in Lost World, but, actually, he kind of is. He doesn’t carry the movie the way he needs to. Despite shirtless scene from Jurassic Park, he’s not the action star Lost World forces him into becoming, and while the same was true of Neill in Jurassic Park that juxtaposition actually worked because of the emotional undercurrent of him grouped with the kids. Lost World just again builds a dinosaur movie around a male protagonist with issues about kids, in this case Malcolm being a far too absentee father. He fires off a bunch of signature Goldblum lines, and it’s all perfectly enjoyable but proves unable to hide how much it really is just a B-movie.

      And, sure, ID: Resurgence is not Goldblum’s fault, but, again, it kind of is. He didn’t have to be in that movie. He’d read the script. He knew what he was getting into. It’s a bigger and dumber disaster movie in which he tries to buddy up with a Hemsworth the same way he did with Will Smith in the first one and fires off signature Goldblum lines, but it’s not the same.

      So, Goldblum popping up in Jurassic World 2 doesn’t get an automatic stamp of “oh, he’s Goldblum and he’s awesome so this will be amazing” from me. What it more likely means is Jurassic World 2 will be a bigger and dumber monster movie than the first one, but it will be funnier because Goldblum will be around doing the Goldblum schtick. Cool. That works. That’ll be fun in the same way the first Jurassic World was mindlessly entertaining. I’m just not expecting it to be particularly amazing because I’ve seen Goldblum try and fail to recapture that magic before.

      “I will take that bet that Jeff is a good addition to Jurassic World.”

      In case this isn’t clear, I agree – Jurassic World 2 will probably be better off with Goldblum. Chris Pratt seriously struggled in that first movie to convincingly come off as the badass. Having Goldblum around to undercut him with jokes and bizarre line readings will help him out considerably.

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