My niece is a movie-obsessed 6-year-old who loves superheroes and princesses, not necessarily in that order. For literally her entire life – at least the years of her life she actually remembers – Disney and Netflix have gone hand in hand. For example, a not small portion of her 2018 was devoted to dancing along with Baby Groot in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and pretending to be Valkyrie while watching Thor: Ragnarok. She did all of that by streaming those movies on Netflix.
Disney’s new streaming service, however, is going to completely change the equation in a way she’s never before experienced. So, the following is an edited version of a conversation I had with her this morning about all of the big Disney+ headlines which came out yesterday. In short: she’s not sure why any of this happening, but she’ll follow Captain Marvel to the ends of the streaming Earth.
Me: So, Disney is about to have its own Netflix.
Her: What does that mean?
Me: They’re going to release their own streaming service full of Disney movies. It’ll be just like Netflix but with only Disney stuff.
Her: Will it be like the Kids section of Netflix?
Me: Kind of, except the Netflix Kids account lets you watch Trolls and Barbie: Dreamhouse Adventures alongside Moana and Sofia the First. When Disney’s streaming service comes out, Moana and Sofia won’t be on there anymore. You’ll have to subscribe to Disney+ to watch those.
Her: (Instant frowny face) Why?
Me: Because Disney wants to make more money.
Her: (Picks at her pop tart) OK. Why are they calling called it Disney+?
Me: Because someone in something called a “marketing department” thought it sounded great. It’s going to have all of the old Disney stuff plus a bunch of new things.
Her: Oh, Disney Plus…I get it. What kind of new things?
Me: Oh, so many. Let’s see: new Marvel and Star Wars shows and cartoons, a Phineas & Ferb movie, a new Sandlot show, a new Lady and the Tramp…
Her: What’s that?
Me: Lady and the Tramp? Um, it’s a movie about cute dogs.
Her: (Instantly perks up)
Me: They’ll also have special Toy Story 4 cartoons, a documentary about the making of Frozen 2…
Me: Say, I heard a rumor you like Frozen.
Her: (Crazy look in her eyes)
Conversation paused. This is when she forced me to pull up a video on my phone in which a bunch of
drama students in their early 20s YouTubers act out what they think will happen in Frozen 2. Basically, they took the plot of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and molded it onto Frozen.
Me: That was cute, but that’s not what I meant. No, Disney+ actual…
Her: I totally think Elsa and Anna’s parents aren’t really dead.
Conversation paused. She had to lay her Frozen 2 fan theories on me.
Me: I agree. You’re right. Nobody will see that Tangled/Frozen crossover coming. But remember we were talking about Disney+
Her: Oh yeah.
Me: Well, there’s going to a movie about the making of Frozen 2. You’ll get to see how they wrote the songs, animated the characters, and put it all together with computers.
Her: That could be cool. (Sudden flash of panic streaks across her face)
Me: What’s wrong?
Her: (Voice rising to a shout) Will I still be able to watch Captain Marvel when it comes on Netflix?
Me: I’m sorry, but no. Captain Marvel will only be on Disney+. The same goes for all of the Marvel movies currently on Netflix. Pretty soon, they’re all going to leave and move over to Disney+
Her: (Pixar approximation of her face)
Me: Hey, it’s ok. Here’s the best part: Disney+ is only going to cost $7 a month.
Her: That’s how much I make in allowance!
Me: Wait. No, it isn’t. You don’t have an allowance.
Her: Well, I’m about to and it’s going to be $7 a month.
Me: I don’t think you’ll have to pay for Disney+ yourself. You’re only 6!
Her: About to be 7!
Me: Ok. You’re 6 going on 30, but you’ll still have to ask your parents to pay for Disney+
Me: Oh, good, because I really want to spend my allowance on L.O.L. dolls.
Me: But you don’t actually have an allowance, remember?
Her: (Inside Out Anger face again)
Me: So, Disney+ is also going to…
Her: You can stop.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: I don’t need to know anymore. I go wherever Captain Marvel goes.
Me: And that means subscribing to Disney+?
Me: But I haven’t even mentioned the part about Disney+ being the exclusive streaming home of The Simpsons?
Her: Don’t care. My brother can watch that. I’ll be busy watching Captain Marvel! (Her cat suddenly jumps on the table) He’s such a Flerken!
And then she spent 5 minutes describing how cute her cat is.
Disney, you just got yourself a customer.
This message brought to you on behalf of the millions of parents, aunts, uncles, whatevers currently in the same exact position as me. When it comes to Disney+, it’s a real…